I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
