Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
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