when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Randomize
