I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I have surprise drugs for everyone
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
