Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
