Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
