I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
