Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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