:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize