me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
