butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Randomize
