I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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