you would pick up someone in the library
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize