my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Randomize
