he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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