you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Randomize
