id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
