Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
