someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
