I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
