How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
