i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
