It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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