It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
