I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
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