Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
