Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
