3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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