Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
