I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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