is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
