I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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