Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
