a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
