Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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