Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
you never un-have a 4some
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
