He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
