I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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