Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
