dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
