Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
