he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
