i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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