tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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