all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize