i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
tell me about the fingering
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