She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
