and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
