We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
