Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
