I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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