i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
