Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
