The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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