You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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