I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
