Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
