honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
