you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
