would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
