There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
