It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
