I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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