4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
