I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
