Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
His hands were made for my vagina.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
