I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
