On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
