you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize