dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I love you. Go after that dick
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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