mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Everyone says I win the strip club
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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