I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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