dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
